Patatoa

Isn’t it wild to think that Valentine’s 2020 was the last holiday we got to celebrate in the "traditional" way? Easter was the first holiday eaten by COVID. Countless birthdays, including my own, spun — and it’s easy to imagine that we’ll all get at least one birthday COVID’d. A bunch of "flag" holidays, that I don’t think anyone was excited for anyway, swept under the rug. All of Summer is gone and now we’re looking down the barrel of the holiday season, pandemic style. Christmas will suck, New Year’s will suck. But Halloween — Halloween is going to be dope.

Halloween is about fun. It’s about disempowering our fears. Dip our toes in scary situations, just to feel it, knowing you’re safe the entire time. Feel the thrill of conquering what distresses us. And we have alot to be anxious about these days; a lot to let loose. Even a quarantined Halloween can be fun, maybe even especially. There’s no one, overarching way to celebrate the holiday, which is the beauty of it. Thanksgiving: a big meal; Christmas: presents; New Year’s: party. ’Halloween though?’ you may retort, ’But Trick-or-Treat?’ The other holidays’ central rituals are applicable to all ages, but Trick-or-Treating definitely is not for all ages — as anyone who has passed out candy will tell you. Dressing up in costume is almost universal, but then what? The limit is your imagination! In normal times you can party, go about your business (but dressed up as Miss Frizzle), take and post pictures. Maybe you’re a Stiffly Stifferson and don’t play dress-up, I’m sure you partake in scary movies, or Halloween TV episodes, enjoy a pumpkin spice coffee, or appreciate the decorations. There’s no one way to Halloween, which is why it is chiefly suited to the pandemic world.

If at first you think Halloween will also be a wash due to the pandemic, here’s some suggestions. Jack-o-lanterns are pretty perfect and traditional. Do up your house like you mean to every single year. Order a strobe light and turn it on, if you’re into that kinda thing. Dress up for your zoom meeting — be in character if you can. If you have to go to work because you’re an essential worker, or your employer is still in the 20th Century, go extra with your costume since you’re wearing a mask already anyway. If you have kids, instead of Trick-or-Treating, you can hide candies in your home, Easter egg-style. Or change it up into a scavenger hunt deal with spooky clues and props. Take a walk in your neighborhood, in costume. Maybe reverse trick-or-treat and deposit candy at your neighbor’s door, and ding-dong ditch. Do something outside if you can. Chill at the fire pit, go outside and howl, Death to Smoochy -style (its not illegal or nothing!) Your usual spooky-TV watching should still be on the menu, and for my millenial mates out there: don’t neglect your video games! (May I suggest a Ghouls & Ghosts title? Not scary, per se, but has all the right imagery.) If extroversion be your thing, maybe live-text a movie with your friends. Or just get shit- faced over FaceTime and exchange creepy stories. It only comes once a year, my ghouls. I’ll be doing my yearly watch of Rocky Horror Picture Show and "Treehouse of Horror V" (patently the best one.)

Warner Bros. / This movie is wild

An aside about Treehouse of Horror V

This episode is great fun, and the Groundskeeper Willy throughline works fantastic. But it also has the most unsettling moments in television that I willfully view. The part where Moe explains his lobotomy to Homer, and then mutters to his own piece of brain always weirds me out. But no moment is as unsettling as the epilogue about the "gas that turns people inside out." The way Homer ho-hums that the gas seeps in through the window, and how the family doesn’t react at all until their skin violently unwraps has been literal nightmare fuel for me. Not so much the actual gore of it, but more the feeling of this oppressive existential threat outside and how the Simpsons have already given up hope long before the "cheap weather stripping" fails. If you feel like this moment, feels especially prescient — you’re not the only one!

Anyway, I’m sweating just writing this. Let’s get out of here.

There’s no expectation with Halloween. You’re not expected to be surrounded by friends and family. You’re not supposed to buy anything, participate in some specific ritual or be left out. I’ve framed Halloween as something to enjoy. But Halloween can rightfully be as sobering as you think it should. This year, and the last few before it, affected us all in specific, personal ways. We all have earned an opportunity to reckon with the last year in our own way. Each of us faced a monster of some sort; multiple even. This Halloween is our opportunity to conquer this dread, in our own way. And the holiday is malleable enough that we can mix it up and not feel like we’re missing out. So, come on and howl with me now!